[AP] Zharillia Campaign Report - 3.8.12

I’m starting to wonder if perhaps I died when the ‘Valiant’ went down
and this is some trickster God’s version of heaven… clearly reserved
only for those most charming and adventurous of gentlemen. For no
sooner had my eyes closed last night as I found myself walking through
some alien street in a place that I quickly learned was called
Zhafillia. Immediately behind me were My Sexy Zimbabwean Wife, Adia
and that smooth-eyed stalwart of a devotee, Rubro. I shared a glance
with my apparently eternal companion, shrugged, and set about making
sense of this place. The populace were of an exceedingly unusual sort,
each with skin of a different colour, each as vibrant as the sun
itself. One poor chap even had skin as translucent as the sky itself!
The three of us (plus Genko, that intrepid Mule of Rubros), tailed a
large and well armed group of these fantastically coloured natives. In
a short time I managed to convince them that I had been a part of
their mercenary contingent for quite some time. Indeed, such was the
skill of my tongue that I had them all talking about how mightily a
show we had put on in their last battle (allegedly against some ‘Robot
Bears’?). This display was enough to get us all something of a
promotion, and a full share of any pillage. Easiest promotion a man
could earn!
Sadly, it proved to be as big a curse as a boon, as we were now
expected to venture into some ruins to help some gents who we presumed
were the leaders if this little expedition. Undismayed, we walked for
some time across an amazing, dual-mooned landscape. Truly no words
could express the wonder I felt as I travelled. I wish I had taken
more time to sketch, for soon we reached our destination: The lair of
these so called ‘Robot-Bears’. Ridiculous!
We left the rabble outside. I was disconcerted by the way they ogled
my Sexy Zimbabwean Wife, Adia, but the stories of my mighty deeds kept
their greasy fingers away from her. The architecture of the place was
wonderfully strange. The facility seemed to be put together with very
little rhyme or reason… The doors themselves seemed sinister,
closing behind us and resisting our efforts to open them. A horrible
place, as I say.
First we came across a room filled with complicated machines - covered
in buttons and panes of glass… My new companions made some attempt
to describe to me their purpose and I made a good show of pretending
to be interested. We moved on.
The next room appeared to be a library, though completely immolated -
the ash from its remains sent several of my friends into awkward
coughing fits. After some brief rummaging, I discovered a large symbol
on the floor, apparently for demon summoning. HORRIBLE. Nearby by was
a second symbol, this one a smaller circle with a name in it.
Obviously I didnt note the name, for even knowing the name of someone
involved in this chicanery is almost certainly to my detriment. We
forced open a second door once all of lungs were clear.
Into a uh… room filled with pipes. All through this room were pipes,
presumably pumping the irdescent slime that was leaking from one. We
investigated cautiously, soon discovering that this vileness was some
kind of protoplasmic slime which dissolved almost everything it
touched. Everything it seems, bar glass… May have to come back here
to try to weaponise the stuff, not that I personally would carry it,
of course.
After some cunning and deliberation, I located and negotiated a
deviously hidden secret door at the back of room… And what a great
deed I had done, dear Journal! By the Three and the One that made
them! This could be my greatest discovery yet! Literal piles of
currency, stored in two, easy-to-carry chests! There must have more
than 5000 pieces in there. Oh, Rubro, that smooth-skinned curiosity
who I hesitantly call a friend of mine, was all mangled and horrible
sickened by some sinister poison when he wonderfully punched one of
those open… but he turned out fine, so it’s ultimately
inconsequential. FIVE THOUSAND COINS, JOURNAL!! Truly this Horrible
multiverse is full of surprises.
Oh so then we had to trick everyone outside into thinking the chests
were full of snakes or something… I must admit I was somewhat
distracted for this last part, for my mind was exploring the
implications of this discovery. I think I killed a snake or three? Oh
and there were some horrible clanking constructions, possibly
clockwork or steampowered. Don’t remember, don’t care. Five thousand.
I write this from lodgings easily as good as those back in Castle
Manning. Brightly coloured servants bring me fine and exotic dishes,
to be washed down with spirits of wonderful complexity. Omnipotent
Wrae has dealt me a kind hand this day. May Night fill the hearths of
those who doubted me!
Alas, Journal, I must leave you presently! My Sexy Wife Adia has a
look of great jealousy and appears acquiescent of other pursuits this
Postscript: Forgive my poor grammar, Journal! This Mulled Wine has
gone to both my head and my pen, it seems…

I’m really enjoying these first-person AP accounts. I’ve not read anything like them before.
Also, I’m probably going to end up swiping that slime-pipes room idea at some point.

Excellently cool! Thanks for sharing.

luftmensch, feel free to nab it. The protoplasmic slime was just recolored traditional green slime. The party worked very quickly to weaponise the stuff. They’re going to love having a nearly infinite supply to use - right up until they suffer an area-effect attack… :smiley:
The lair that they’re going through, being a randomly rolled one is just me taking a map and iterating the following sequence:
0. Pick a theme for the dungeon based on the Wilderness encounter rolled. In this case the dungeon theme is “Some place that would provide upkeep for cyborg bears”.

  1. Party decides which room to go to next.
  2. I roll on the DungeonWords to find out what the theme of the next room is.
    2a. I match the theme of the room to the theme of the dungeon
  3. I roll on the ACKS dungeon stocking tables to see if there’s an inhabitant and/or treasure or trap or special.
  4. If monster, I roll on the appropriate wandering monster table for a monster and re-skin it on the fly to something appropriate to the theme of the room and/or dungeon.
  5. Every two turns, roll for a Wandering Monster, reskin on the fly to something appropriate to the theme of the dungeon.
    It goes a lot more quickly than one would think.